Not exactly the most novel idea, I'm aware. However, things become cliches because of having a grain of truth in them. So let us talk about the idea of expectations versus reality.
For a few months I had planned on getting someone a rather expensive gift for Christmas. Sadly, I cannot. Three months ago, my finances were in better shape and I had the buying power necessary to make my idea a reality. I was to keep putting money back for the gift and buy it within the past few weeks. I had it on layaway to make this easier, but I had to take it off layaway to get the down payment back for an emergency. I'm not sure why I thought I would be able to come up with the money on my own without the layaway, since I'm about as good at saving money as a dog is at writing poetry. Despite my claiming to be a cynic, and thinking critically about most things, I still retain a certain amount of naivete when it comes to my future finances. I work a simple minimum wage job and have enough bills and debt to drown someone making twice my income, and yet I continue to believe that in three months, my situation will be better. I suppose it is the fault of a young human psyche. That eternal balm of the spirit and bitter enemy of rational thought that is hope. It's a horrible wonderful thing, to hope. Makes your situation better when you dare to do it, and crushes you even further when the situation doesn't end the way you anticipated. There seem to be certain parts of the human brain where instead of common sense, God or evolution put a "what a good idea" tag. Foolish hope is one, monarchism is one, happy endings, fattening foods.
Off track. So apparently my wife, who I love dearly, wanted me to back off of buying this expensive gift, but instead of coming out and saying so, she implied it in a round about way. While normally I understand what she's doing when she does this, this time I didn't simply because I was so focused on buying it. After all, we had gotten a bonus at work and a heavy discount, so why shouldn't we buy it? Thinking about it now, it seems stupid, because obviously we can't spend half of a pay period right before Christmas on one gift for one person, but I feel I am entitled to my idealistic moments just like any other pitiful fool out there. Since I didn't get her implication, she (understandably) got upset, but instead of coming right out and telling me so, or even acting like something is wrong, she just posted a rant about it on her blog. Which obviously is similar to what I'm doing now, with the exception that I did talk to her about this.
I just don't understand why she feels the need to do this. I'm not unreasonable. If she just talks to me I always listen and even if I don't agree at least all the cards will be on the table. I'm whining a bit here, but to be fair, I am incredibly angry at not being able to afford the gift, and depressed about the state of my finances. I love my wife, and wouldn't have my life (or at least the part involving her) any different. But I really do wish she would talk to me in person instead of hoping I just happen to read her blog in time for what it says to matter.
When it comes down to it, my naivete about my finances have caused me no small amount of grief in the past, and today is just another item in that ledger.
Ah... Lower class income living. There's nothing like it.
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